From two weeks of sunshine and colour to grey, damp and dull……………what a difference a day makes. Or more precisely 9 hours, flown from Bombay to London, courtesy (I use the term loosely) of British Airways.

This is a company sorely in need of a fashion make-over, a challenge for the likes of Trinny and Susannah if ever I saw one.
 

At the risk of sounding ageist, bad haircuts, poor make-up, and last century’s uniforms wouldn’t look great on the young and beautiful, so when sported by the very mature and flight jaded, it is definitely not a good advert for flying the flag.  2008 seems a good time to call in some of the great styling talents that we produce in this country, and have them put a new face on the B.A product. In fact it’s a great opportunity!

 

I can see it now………a fabulous reality show is born and televised worldwide. Presented by Willie (B.A’s chief honcho) with his side kick Shazza, from trolley dolly grooming, plus Stella McCartney to give the program status and an eco friendly touch.

Their mission will be to find the worst turned out member of staff, and using no money whatsoever (as Willie is worried about his profits), Shazza and Stella will then miraculously create a star.

No chemicals will be used, no make-up will be tested on animals or small children, and much will be made of the word organic.

The viewers will totally forget that this is a gas guzzling airline with a massive carbon footprint. Instead they will be entranced by the re-cycled forest friendly books used as balance for deportment lessons, and thrilled by the rock chick uniform hand stitched in organic cotton, by Stella herself. Then finally, all will be wowed by the pure extra virgin olive oil lip gloss carefully applied by Shazza, before blotting with yesterday’s used tea bag, to add a touch of colour.

The star of the show, is likely to be a chunky, mature motherly type, who with the help of smoke and mirrors, will become transformed into a fabulous, sexy goddess. She will magnificently sing and dance to the re-mixed British Airways theme tune in a stunning grand finale, watched by millions.

Shares will rise, the city will be happy, the passengers will be delighted and the sex goddess (now cloned into a thousand replicas) will be offered a part in Mary Poppins.

Obviously Melt plays no role in any of this as we are far too classy for reality TV, and much too busy chasing the factory for our final samples. But of course if Stella begs us to lend her our fabulous clothes we would have to consider it most carefully!

By Susan Royston

Creative Director of Melt London