Uh ho.  A new season has arrived, which means that women across the country will be working those trends.  Trouble is, the more fashion fabulous the look, the less your man is likely to appreciate it.

Kyrsty Hazell says....

'I just don't see it', he says looking like he's just swallowed a wasp. 'Please explain to me again why today you have to look like a Himalayan mountain goat? It's not as though we are going anywhere, er fashionable.'

There he goes again, on and on about how 'funny' I dress and poking fun at my wardrobe.  From my bright pink, suede ruffle boots ('Have you met my girlfriend? she's half-woman half-clown'), my faux fur gillet ('Oh look! it's big Ron from the market'), to my charity shop handbag, which is beautifully handmade and embroidered, not to mention an absolute bargain ('You borrowed my nan's handbag?')

It seems that he has an aversion to all things imaginable, like my hippy style 70's dress, which is supposed to look boho, but the reaction I get is, 'You didn't tell me we were going fancy dress.' He hates my most prized orange Chanel bag ( uber stylish dahling) as he says it is weird and orange is 'an 'orrible colour.' That's a good thing I tell him, as I try to explain that the more unusual it is the better and how orange is the colour for the Winter, however, this only confuses the poor love even more.

I've tried educating him - we have been shopping up town and I’ve even dragged him along (unwillingly) to a Vivienne Westwood exhibition to get him to see that his girlfriend's style isn't completely insane. But after all the hard work, he still doesn't get it.  He still doesn’t understand the logic in wearing boots over jeans ('Giddy up girl!') and the thought of me wearing tweed makes him turn a peculiar shade of green.

I am sure if he had it his way, I'd be dressed in a velour tracksuit all my life.  Clearly he is a fashion-phobic, bless him, whereas I am a fashion-a-holic, not a victim may I add (the 80's Flashdance look was a weekend fad I promise!)

However, it is a common syndrome and it seems that every girl I know has something to say on this matter.

Amanda, 20 years old, whose love of customised cropped jeans resulted in her FDD asking, 'you waiting for a flood babe?,' or whose gold vintage bag makes her man recoil in horror. 'He can't get his head around why anyone would like it as it's slightly worn looking, he calls it my scruff bag from the skip,' she says. However, this only makes her get it out at every opportunity as she has learnt that if your man doesn't like it, you're on to a good thing!

But why don't they get it? What has happened to the so called surge of male metrosexuals? Well, it could be the fact that most men dress for comfort and practicality, like the time you strut through the door wearing that shrunken jacket with three quarter length sleeves, you get a telling off for not dressing warm enough. 

Or the countless amount of times he has warned you off trying to wear your highest, most precious stiletto's because they are 'impractical and will damage your toes.' Ok, so maybe they do kill your feet and give you blisters that seem to last a lifetime, but they look good ok?!

Although my boyfriend doesn't have a big imagination when it comes to women's fashion, he does make an effort and I am glad he doesn't go around dressing like a John Galliano cast off, I wouldn't change him for the world.  Even though I do day dream that one day he'll seduce me by taking me on a huge shopping spree, understand my penchant for the latest trend and even style me for Uni when I'm hungover. However, you're more likely to see me wearing a Kappa tracksuit doing a handstand than him doing that anytime soon!

Of course, as the new Summer/Autumn 2005 collections are arising, the FDD is at its peak with all the news trends about to embark upon us.  It isn't hard to imagine what type of responses you will get if you chose to indulge in the latest trends: Diamante capes (‘Oh it's Batman Barbie'), or a pair of cowboy boots ('Howdy partner, forgotten your horse?').

And woe betide if I even dare to indulge into the whole throw-anything-together look (which I am loving by the way) I'm probably likely to get 'been raiding the dressing up box again have we love?'

However, I will carry on following the trends, much to the annoyance of my FDD sufferer. I'm sure he wouldn't change the way I dress, otherwise what else would he have to laugh at? Well, maybe he'd change the pink boots...

The DO's and Don'ts ( for those of you who live with FDD sufferers)

1) Leave every fashion magazine imaginable around the house (opened on the trends page of course)

2) Get all of the channels on Digital TV cancelled except for the fashion channel

3) Take him shopping. Mission impossible: probably but make a point in trying everything on until he loses the will to live and has to like them

4) Point out all of the men you’d love to snog, and tell him, ‘I wish you looked like that’

5) Give him an hour long lesson on the history of shoes and give him homework

6) Remind him that you are still the woman he fell head over heels in love with so love you, love your clothes (…and shoes, handbags, make up,earrings…)

7) Don't threaten to leave him if doesn't agree that the new lime green trousers match the colour of your eyes

8) Don't offer to take his mother shopping, as I'm sure he won't appreciate her coming home looking like a miniature version of you pink boots, fishnet tights and all.  Try out your crazy fashion experiments on yourself or you'll end up being a single fashion queen with only your lipstick and glittery shoes for company.

Kyrsty Hazell

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